What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a term applied to a variety of behaviours, inclusive of, though not restricted to, physical violence, sexual violence, intimidation, stalking, economic abuse, and psychological/emotional abuse. The ultimate goal of the abuser in an domestically violent relationship is to gain control over the victim. When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other person, IT IS ABUSE. Abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone. Below are some ways a person can try to exert power and control over another. Here is an excellent publication for healthcare professionals to help identify victims of abuse. Intimidation: § Yelling or screaming § Using a threatening tone § “Talking down” to partner § Threatening to hurt self/partner § Making partner feel afraid § Tearing up pictures § Smashing gifts § Destroying objects Sexual Abuse: § Bragging about sexual relationships § Pressuring partner § Negatively comparing to past partner § Rape § Using drugs/alcohol to get sex § Restraining partner § Slamming into locker or wall § Slapping § Shoving § Punching § Kicking § Spitting Threats: § Will commit suicide if you break up § Saying he/she can’t live without you § Will leave them § Constantly threatening to find someone else § Will hurt you if you try to leave Domination: § Treating partner like a baby, property or servant § Making all the decisions § Having expectations that no one can meet § Controlling who partner sees or spends time with § Setting all of the rules in the relationship Humiliation: § Putting down partner § Name calling § Objectifying § Constant criticism § Making partner feel crazy § Making partner feel guilty § Embarrassing partner § Humiliating partner in front of people Possessiveness: § Using jealousy as a sign of love § Accusing partner of cheating § Not letting partner have other friends § Telling partner how to think, dress, act Minimization & Blame: § Not accepting responsibility for actions § Making a joke when partner is hurt § Telling partner that everything is his/her fault § Acting like abuse is okay in the relationship Cycle of Violence: Abusers go through a series of emotions and rationalizations that allow them to justify their abuse. ABUSE: Rape, battery, incest, emotional abuse, murder, etc… GUILT: Not normal guilt, but self-directed guilt. RATIONALIZATION: Excuses the behaviour by blaming the victim. NORMAL BEHAVIOUR / HONEYMOON STAGE: This is the stage where the abuser engages in normal behaviour. This is when the batterer brings flowers to his wife and is thoughtful and kind. FANTASY: The deviant, sexually aggressive fantasy. The abuser fantasizes about past and future abuse. PLANNING: This is the stage where the abuser thinks about what he will need to have and do so that he can abuse again. His plan is to be drunk in order to abuse his wife. Therefore, he knows he will have to buy alcohol. SETTING UP: The abuser sets up the conditions so that the abuse can occur. A batterer may buy alcohol and drink it. 
click to download a large, printable version of this image The Realities of Domestic Violence: · Domestic violence is the leading cause of injuries to American women. According to the National Center for Disease Control and Prevention, more women are treated in emergency rooms for battering injuries than for (non-marital) rapes, muggings, and traffic accidents combined (Jones, Ann. Next Time She'll Be Dead. Boston: Beacan Press, 1994). · Federal officials estimate that domestic violence costs U.S. firms more than four billion dollars a year, due to lower productivity, staff turnover, absenteeism, and excessive use of medical benefits (Jones, Ann. Next Time She'll Be Dead. Boston: Beacan Press, 2000). · Women are most in danger when they seek to put a firm end to an abusive relationship. Experts warn that the two actions most likely to trigger a deadly assault are moving out of a shared residence or beginning a relationship with another man (Domestic Violence Alternatives, Inc., P.O. Box 1093 Emmett, Idaho 83617, (208) 365-4075). · The rate of intimate offender attacks on women separated from their husbands was about three times higher than that of divorced women, and about 25 times higher than that of married women (Boatman, Ronet, and Saltzman. Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348). Copies may be obtained form the BJS Clearing house Box 179 Annapolis Junction, MD. 20701-1079 Tel. 1(800) 732-3277). · In two national studies, it was found that between 33-70 % of men who battered a woman also battered a child: in homes with more than four children, this rate jumps to 92% (Jones, Ann. Next Time She'll Be Dead. Boston: Beacan Press, 2000). · 25-30% of all abused women are beaten as frequently as once a week (Domestic Violence Alternatives, Inc. P.O. Box 1093 Emmett. Idaho 83617 (208) 365-4075). · Women who leave their batterers are 75% more likely to be killed by the batterer than those who stay (Barbara Hart, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1988). · Violence is the reason stated for divorce in 22% of middle-class marriages (EAP Digest Nov./Dec., 1991). · Nationally, 50% of all homeless women and children are on the streets because of violence in the home (Sen. Joseph Biden D-DE., U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Violence Against Women: Victims of the System, 1991). · 63% of the young men between the ages of 11 and 20 who are serving time for homicide have killed their mother's abusers (March of Dimes, 1992). · Since domestic violence is a pattern of behavior, not a single event, episodes may become more severe and more frequent over time, resulting in an increased likelihood that the children eventually become victims (Notional Committee to Prevent Child Abuse; Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Linked. Memorandum, September, 1996). · CASE IN POINT: A court held in the case of James Lutgen (Illinois) that a man could not be considered an unfit parent merely because he had murdered the mother of his children. He served less than three (3) years for voluntary manslaughter. His wife had a valid Protection from Abuse Order (Jones, Ann. Next Time She'll Be Dead. Boston: Beacan Press, 2000). Get Help! Crisis & Info. Line: (406) 782-8511 Toll free: 1-800-479-8511 E-mail: safespacebutte@gmail.com | 
