What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence is a term applied to a variety of behaviors, inclusive of, though not restricted to, physcial violence, sexual violence, intimidation, stalking, economic abuse, and psychological/emotional abuse. The ultimate goal of the abuser in a domestically violent relationship is to gain control over the victim. When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other person, IT IS ABUSE. Abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone. Below are some ways a person can try to exert power and control over another.
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INTIMIDATION:
Yelling or Screaming Using a threatening tone Talking down to a partner Threatening to hurt self/partner Making partner feel afraid Tearing up pictures Smashing gifts Destroying objects |
SEXUAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE
Bragging about sexual relationships Pressuring partner Negatively comparing to past partner(s) Rape Using drugs/alcohol to get sex Restraining partner Slamming into locker or wall Slapping Shoving Punching Kicking Spitting |
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THREATS
Will commit suicide if you break up Saying he/she can't live without you Constantly threatening to leave you Constantly threatening to find someone else Will hurt you if you try to leave |
DOMINATION
Treating partner like a baby, property, or servant Making all the decisions Having expectations that no one can meet Controlling who partner sees or spends time with Setting all of the rules in the relationship |
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HUMILIATION
Putting down partner Name calling Objectifying Constant criticism Making partner feel crazy Making partner feel guilty Embarrassing/humiliating partner |
POSSESSIVENESS
Using jealousy as a sign of love Accusing partner of cheating Not letting partner have friends Telling how to think, dress, act |
MINIMIZATION & BLAME
Not accepting responsibility for actions Making a joke when partner is hurt Telling partner that everything is his/her fault Acting like abuse is okay the relationship |
Cycle of Abuse
Abusers go through a series of emotions and rationalizations that allow them to justify their abuse. See the Cycle of Violence Wheel below for more information.
ABUSE: Rape, battery, incest, emotional abuse, murder, etc.
GUILT: Not normal guilt, but self-directed guilt.
RATIONALIZATION: Excuses the behavior by blaming the victim.
NORMAL BEHAVIOR/HONEYMOON STAGE: This is the stage where the abuser engages in normal behavior. This is when the batterer brings flowers and gifts to the partner and is thoughtful and kind.
FANTASY: The deviant, sexually aggressive fantasy. The abuser fantasizes about past and future abuse.
PLANNING: This is the stage where the abuser thinks about what he/she will need to have and do so that they can abuse again. If the plan is to be drunk in order to abuse the partner, they know they will have to buy alcohol.
SETTING UP: The abuser sets up the conditions so that the abuse can occur. A batterer may buy the alcohol and drink
it.
ABUSE: Rape, battery, incest, emotional abuse, murder, etc.
GUILT: Not normal guilt, but self-directed guilt.
RATIONALIZATION: Excuses the behavior by blaming the victim.
NORMAL BEHAVIOR/HONEYMOON STAGE: This is the stage where the abuser engages in normal behavior. This is when the batterer brings flowers and gifts to the partner and is thoughtful and kind.
FANTASY: The deviant, sexually aggressive fantasy. The abuser fantasizes about past and future abuse.
PLANNING: This is the stage where the abuser thinks about what he/she will need to have and do so that they can abuse again. If the plan is to be drunk in order to abuse the partner, they know they will have to buy alcohol.
SETTING UP: The abuser sets up the conditions so that the abuse can occur. A batterer may buy the alcohol and drink
it.
What is sexual assault?
The definition of sexual assault as provided by Brown University is as follows:
"Sexual assault is the legal term for rape, and it also encompasses other behaviors beyond forced sexual intercourse.
Sexual assault can be any unwanted sexual contact, such as unwanted touching, fondling, or groping of sexual body parts. It can be committed by the use of threats, force, or when someone takes advantake of circumstances that render a person incapable of giving consent, such as intoxication."
The statistics regarding sexual assault in the United States are astounding. According to RAINN (the Rape Abuse and
Incest National Network - www.rainn.org), a woman is sexually assaulted every two and a half minutes! Further, they claim that one in every six American women is a victim of sexual assault. Finally, they state that 44% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18.
Let's briefly consider the different kinds of rape. Ingrained in the American imagination is the notion of a shadowy figure lurking in the bushes, lying in wait for an unaccompanied woman. In reality, however, rape by a stranger is not the norm. According to RAINN, only 26% of rapes are committed by strangers. The vast majority of rapes are committed by acquaintances. Interestingly enough. 28% of rapes are committed by friends of the victim.
"Sexual assault is the legal term for rape, and it also encompasses other behaviors beyond forced sexual intercourse.
Sexual assault can be any unwanted sexual contact, such as unwanted touching, fondling, or groping of sexual body parts. It can be committed by the use of threats, force, or when someone takes advantake of circumstances that render a person incapable of giving consent, such as intoxication."
The statistics regarding sexual assault in the United States are astounding. According to RAINN (the Rape Abuse and
Incest National Network - www.rainn.org), a woman is sexually assaulted every two and a half minutes! Further, they claim that one in every six American women is a victim of sexual assault. Finally, they state that 44% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18.
Let's briefly consider the different kinds of rape. Ingrained in the American imagination is the notion of a shadowy figure lurking in the bushes, lying in wait for an unaccompanied woman. In reality, however, rape by a stranger is not the norm. According to RAINN, only 26% of rapes are committed by strangers. The vast majority of rapes are committed by acquaintances. Interestingly enough. 28% of rapes are committed by friends of the victim.
Reporting A Sexual Assault
irst off, please go to the hospital or to a doctor and have a medical exam. The doctor's visit is essential even if you don't want to press charges. The examination ensures that you have no internal injuries from the sexual assault and determines whether or not you've contracted a disease. Also having biological evidence is essential in pressing charges, if you choose to do so, against a perpetrator. We should make clear the fact that you ARE NOT obligated
to press charges. There are many reasons to press charges:
To take a sexual predator off the streets
To prevent future rapes
To send a clear message that sexual assaults are not acceptable
To help bring closure to the experience
However, we do not pressure clients to press charges. The decision to prosecute is a personal one and one that deserves a great deal of thought on the part of the victim. RAINN recommends that you at least make a police report so that evidence collection can begin immediately and to increase the probability of a conviction. Again, at Safe Space we do not pressure you to file a police report. Secondly, be aware that sexual assaults are never the victim's fault. Finally, we suggest that you call an advocate. At Safe Space we have advocates on-call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, including holidays. These advocates can help you through the process and can even attend the medical examination if you wish.
Sexual assault is any sexual contact without consent. Often times, it goes unreported. It is always a painful intrusion which disrupts the lives of its victims. It is often called "the best kept secret" because victims often feel ashamed, embarrassed, dirty, and most of all, as if they did something to cause an assault. The victim is never at fault for a rape!
RAINN and MCADSV (the Montana Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence) have very comprehensive information pages regarding sexual assaults and the process of making a police report, pressing charges, and collecting evidence.
If RAINN or MCADSV does not have an answer to one of your questions or if you need local support, please feel free to contact us at 1-406-782-8511 with any questions or concerns. We treat all correspondence confidentially.
to press charges. There are many reasons to press charges:
To take a sexual predator off the streets
To prevent future rapes
To send a clear message that sexual assaults are not acceptable
To help bring closure to the experience
However, we do not pressure clients to press charges. The decision to prosecute is a personal one and one that deserves a great deal of thought on the part of the victim. RAINN recommends that you at least make a police report so that evidence collection can begin immediately and to increase the probability of a conviction. Again, at Safe Space we do not pressure you to file a police report. Secondly, be aware that sexual assaults are never the victim's fault. Finally, we suggest that you call an advocate. At Safe Space we have advocates on-call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, including holidays. These advocates can help you through the process and can even attend the medical examination if you wish.
Sexual assault is any sexual contact without consent. Often times, it goes unreported. It is always a painful intrusion which disrupts the lives of its victims. It is often called "the best kept secret" because victims often feel ashamed, embarrassed, dirty, and most of all, as if they did something to cause an assault. The victim is never at fault for a rape!
RAINN and MCADSV (the Montana Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence) have very comprehensive information pages regarding sexual assaults and the process of making a police report, pressing charges, and collecting evidence.
If RAINN or MCADSV does not have an answer to one of your questions or if you need local support, please feel free to contact us at 1-406-782-8511 with any questions or concerns. We treat all correspondence confidentially.
Safe Space can help!
Safe Space provides 24 hour on call trained rape advocates to victims of domestic violence sexual assault. Advocates are available for:
Hospital Exams
Police Interviews
Assistance in completing orders of protection
One-on-one peer counseling
Supportive services and referrals
In addition, Safe space may be able to pay for up to six (6) sessions of counseling with a professional counselor for
survivors of sexual assault. This can be a valuable tool for recovery. Please call our 24 hour crisis line at 406-782-8511 for further details.
